In this post I am going to share with you a bit of history of my own twin flame journey, a little of what the twin flame journey is about and a strategy me and my twin have been creating and experimenting with in order to make our activations/being triggered states safer for the two of us to experience. If that’s all you’d like to read about scroll down to the heading that reads “Making Activations Safe” and/or ” Activation Code Words”
(***If you are totally new to the theme of Twin Flames click here to learn more (I don’t know enough yet so I am sending you off to a couple who’s perspective I trust and find quite grounded. You can also browse their website to find out a lot more about Twin Flame relationships)
Intro – A Bit of My (short) Twin Flame History
Throughout 2017 at different intervals I found myself looking into ‘Twin Flame’ dynamics and explanations.
Near the end of 2016 I stepped into a relationship with an incredible high potency of activation, and I found it incredibly difficult to deal with. There was immense love, and there was immense pain.
My partner at the time was fresh out of a 25 year drug addiction, and his addiction behaviours and energies were being transposed onto me. And me, wanting to do my best to help, found myself in ever increasing circles of insanity in this relationship where a lot of blame, projection, protection and fire was flying around.
Our Initial Separation
After 6 months and after many many many threats from the other to end and ‘sever’ the relationship I had to make my one and only bold move and end it, for good.
This was an excruciating act for me to do and a profoundly shattering act for him to receive. In fact, it catalysed an immense breakdown/breakthrough for him, which sent him into a much needed recovery phase and many ‘support’ situations and groups that have been, and are, continuing to help him through his addiction recovery. For me, it was a whole new level of NO that I had to do, to honour, to obey, from a soul level. A whole new level of LOVE which I didn’t understand, I didn’t feel comfortable with, I couldn’t escape and I couldn’t explain but I just had to allow. My gauge of recognising what needed to happen came from loving myself and knowing that I needed profound space to heal and integrate all that had gone on, and also a recognition that all that the other (in his addiction) was going to understand was a full and complete NO MORE.
Through those following months I was surrendering and giving over to source all frets and worries I had about his well being and state, knowing that I had to trust and believe that he was strong enough to go through whatever it was he was needing to go through to help his own soul and body through his shattering (transformation). I knew I couldn’t be a part of it. I knew that any scrap of me lingering around would be too much for him to grab on to. It would be too much of a thread, and just one single thread could keep him woven into the pattern that he was so desperately needing to let go of. I had to be ruthless. Inside me this was very difficult to do; to not be able to check in, to not be able to offer a hand, to ONLY be able to trust and have faith in his journey was all I had. I had to let go of all connection. I did my best in every moment that he rose into my consciousness, to see him well, supported, loved and held and then let go, over and over again.
And for him through his journey, he was in a phase of struggling through victimhood; what has she done to me? What is wrong with her? Why is she so evil? He had to pass through all of those levels (and so so much more, that only really he could share and give credit to) until about 6 months or so later he started to see that I had been loving him, in my ‘not-being-there’.
It was soon after he’d accepted that, and realised that, that the Universe created some soft non reactive space for us to bump into each other and spend some time together again, so that we could share stories and see what had been happening for one another.
In me there was a new desire to see more deeply into this being again where many veils had lifted; he was clearer, more open and vulnerable, more aware of himself . .
. he had done some major inner work since we last spent time together. And for him, he was getting to be around me without me wanting or needing to run away from his blaming and grasping. He was getting to hear and get filled in about what had been happening for me. He was able to be around me without needing me.
And that’s basically what we’ve been doing throughout the mercury retrograde of December 2107 and through Christmas and the new year of 2018, in innocence, as friends, not ‘sexual’ lovers.
Realising the Twin Flame Trial
What has been happening has been LOTS. And in that ‘lots’ there has been realisations within the both of us about Twin Flames; what they are, WHY they are and how all of us (Twin Flames) are doing our best to find our way to Being Love that is whole and unconditional . . . an absolutely mighty feat . . . the greatest feat of all time probably.
It is very helpful to have a Twin Flame concept in mind that we can flesh our own journey around. Without any of that knowledge as a foundation of understanding of what is happening within us, we would feel very lost confused and frightened. I give thanks to all beings who have shared their journeys online and who have given us the opportunity to see more clearly what it is that we are dealing with.
Through the couple of weeks that we have spent time together SO much has come up and been realised and seen. We are fresh and new in this realisation. We have not yet even really gone and trod back in our own worlds. The soul connection is so profound and intense, and so triggering and activational, but what we are discovering is that it can be safe at the same time – and this is what is new and what I will be writing about below.
I am SO new at This Twin Stuff!
This Twin Flame Trial awareness is so fresh and new and I do NOT understand it, or know it profoundly well, but I am however, very curious about it and very VERY willing to learn about it, experientially, and to share what I am learning, AS I am learning. I aim to be sharing through some route of expression be it blogs, art work, singing/song writing, video blogs, group discussions . . . WHATEVER. I really need expression to help me find my way through, otherwise all my knowing gets blocked up inside, and I don’t get to even know it myself.
So, accepting that I am a novice, blindly fumbling my way along this path, and to be blatantly honest – blindly fumbling my way along ALL paths in my life I hope you can appreciate that in this space here is one soul just doing her best to share the journey as I am experiencing it, decoding it and retelling it.
I may or may not make sense and that’s OK. What’s important is that I challenge and allow and encourage myself to share, because I know for me it is extremely helpful for me to share and express, just as it is extremely helpful that I can access other peoples stories online, too. When we share we guide each other home.
Watching or reading other peoples stories helps to soften my own panic, it helps me to feel that I am not totally isolated and on my own, and it helps me to breathe space into the understanding that everything that is happening is happening as part of a greater whole doing it’s best to WAKE UP, and that I am part of that.
So, because I have no structure, and because I am just reporting on my journey as and when it happens, I am going to call this batch of blogs ‘TWIN FLAME REVELATIONS’ and just see what comes up . . . .
Twin Flame Revelation Number 1 –
Activation Code Words
A bit further below I’ll share some Activation Code Words I’ve created and how and when to use them. They’re at the bottom of this page x
Probably the most tell tale sign to me that I am in a Twin Flame dynamic is the ‘LEVEL OF ACTIVATION’ that goes on.
What are/is Activations?
Another way we like to word it is ‘being/getting triggered’. You get activated/triggered by others when they . . . well, show up! It doesn’t take much for our own pain to get triggered and activated. As long as we carry pain within us we also carry the potential of being triggered and getting upset, and this level of ‘upset’ varies and depends on the amount of resistance we have to feeling the pain, the amount of denial we are in that this pain is our own, and the amount of willingness we have to acknowledge love and release the pain as it comes up and out to leave. We can also get stuck with the upset for other reasons too.
Unfortunately, for many of us, when we get triggered/activated the amount of pain and challenging emotion that is being unleashed within us immediately inflames our mind, ignites our pain body and trip switches us into full blown blaming, shaming, criticising, judging and projecting all over the place. When our pain is ‘ON’ it is hard for us to just feel the pain and let it travel through and out. All of our default, patterned and conditioned responses fire up in an fucked up attempt to KEEP US SAFE. It’s just that those safety systems are outdated, over hyper vigilant and loaded with many distortions. In short, we can’t see or know the truth when activated. An emotional shit bomb has gone off inside and covered our inner viewing unit with total poop. It’s hopeless!
Most of us do not like being triggered and set off. The ferocity of our reactions to it can be scarily intense. Sometimes our reactions also get denied and pushed back down inside where they fester and make more discomfort and disease, more lava for a later eruption.
It’s All Coming Up To Leave
But, what if the whole point of getting triggered and activated in the first place, is so that our shit can come up and leave?
How many of us welcome activations in our life? In our relationships?
I would say that most of us don’t. We feel way more comfortable being around people who stroke and ‘nicely’ manipulate our tender egos to keep them deactivated and intact. We don’t like to upset one another because we translate that upset to mean ‘non-approval’ and that non approval means rejection and abandonment, which equals certain death . . .
So all in all we do our best to avoid being activated and to avoid being an activator.
And then you meet your Twin Flame.
Twin Flame Activators.
When I first got into a relationship with my Twin Flame, I knew nothing then about twin flames. All I knew was that I needed to be as loving as I could be. But this relationship was really challenging me. And I continued the challenge, because there was so much love in it too. But there was massive activation as well. At first I did my absolute best to resist my activations. Instead I would feel the activation go off inside, but I would go into over-conscientious mode – trying to understand and have compassion for the other, before allowing myself to feel my own stuff. I was pushing my own stuff back, not looking after myself, trying to ‘not – push’ the other. I was receiving a lot of blame for the others insecurities, and I didn’t know how to shine the mirror back to him without blaming him back.
Over time, yet very rapidly, the relationship was like a volcano circus, just firing off left right and centre. The twin flame pushing and pulling, running and chasing was in full blown effect, and after 6 months, I ended it (see intro above)
I couldn’t cope. And it WAS an ugly situation. There was not enough awareness and responsibility present. My twin was not able to see that his pain was his own. My levels of frustration had gone through the roof with my ejected patience. He could only see what I was or wasn’t doing to him. I had profoundly had enough and couldn’t take any more. I was wrecked.
Fast forward 6 months.
Currently we are having some kind of reunion. It’s confusing. We don’t understand fully what’s going on. We have a strong pull to each other. We experience with each other experiences we don’t have anywhere else, and we are learning from each other depths of understanding we don’t come into touch with anywhere else. We have a profound connection and we have removed sex out of the equation so as to explore innocence more. We are learning a lot. And one of these areas we are learning a lot about right now is this area of ACTIVATIONS.
We are developing an deep appreciation, understanding and respect for it, that neither of us have had before. We are starting to see it through the eyes of the Soul, and it’s Brutiful and ripe with paradox.
What Activations Feel Like
We don;t need to do anything to each other.
We don’t even need to say anything to each other.
We don’t even need to be around each other, but it does mostly happen when we are together.
Activations go off. Something gets triggered. But here’s the rub – These are not every day level activations, these are magnificent activations. Happening beneath a Divine Soul oriented magnifying glass. They trigger and erupt very VERY quickly and with full force. They don’t linger and simmer and drag out like they might in other relationships. Not here. There’s no space for lingering resentments in the flames of the twin flame union.
Twin Flames are called Twin Flames because they are like the flames of a FIRE! They cause and encourage the Divine purity of soul fire to burn right through each others bullshit. The light of the flames highlights all the dark nooks and crannies in each others souls and it all gets exposed, seen and released. The activations explode deep within and the lava is present immediately. And beyond boiling. And incredibly destructive if not SEEN for what it is – release.
But here’s the other thing . . . there’s a soul awareness that each other is longing to allow and encourage all activations to rise up and come out. There’s awareness in both that that is what is trying to happen – SOUL PURIFICATION. And so a new awareness and willingness is born.
We have been dancing through this a lot for the past 2 weeks. We have been in an intense activational period through the end of Dec 2017. I myself have been going through an intense spiritual purge that involved extreme illness coming up through, getting stuck and releasing out of the mental body, (this was agonising and very frightening for me) a lot of emotional energy coming up and out to leave, extreme physical pains in the body, huge menstrual flows, colds and illness moving through and out and so much more. And the whole time activations and holding space have been going off in both of us.
But what we’ve been coming to see and learn very rapidly (and through researching information about twin flames online – it’s really helped having that lens to understand our issues through) is that stuff is indeed coming up to LEAVE.
As Twin Flames we are here to help cleanse humanity of all of it’s old belief structures, old painful patterns, ancient held in struggles, all things through out time that have never been resolved, ancestral agonies that haven’t been released yet, all distorted programs that still exist from the Big Bang – we are together all purging it out of our DNA, out of our cells, out of our bodies, out of our lives, out of our blueprints, we are becoming a higher lighter human and there is much purging to be done, and it is UNPLEASANT, and very necessary.
And this awareness of this necessary purge has been dawning in me and my twin flame a new. I’ve mentally known this for ages. But recently it is sinking into my cells. Every activation is a release on behalf of all of humanity. Every single trigger and purge is a necessary letting go, we are all doing it and if that is the healing process needed then I for one need to deeply embody the knowledge and understanding of WHY it is happening. Understanding helps me have acceptance and acceptance helps me allow, and I need to allow it to come up and out, to leave. IT’S ALL WANTING TO LEAVE! HENCE WHY WE ARE GETTING SO ACTIVATED! IT’S TIME!
So, with our new awareness of why these activations are taking place so deeply, so often, so rapidly, so powerfully and whilst we are in the midst of trying to discover and allow the safest ways for this to happen one idea that came up was to find CODE WORDS that could be said the moment an activation goes off.
Making Activations Safe
Well, like I said before, an activation is like a shit bomb going off inside, that shit goes everywhere and whilst the fire is rising up and out it’s travelling rapidly through all of our bodies (physical, mental, emotion, spiritual etc.) and is temporarily colouring all levels of our realities and awareness with it’s gnarly vibes. When this is happening it is really helpful to have another person be grounded, aware of the process and able to hold the space for the activation to go off, travel through all stages and leave. The activations ingredients can be powerfully released especially when no one else’s crap is getting caught up in there and there’s no defence or fight causing what’s emerging to get recycled and be reclaimed back into the body. It needs to come up and leave. And the greatest way for that to occur is in the light of loving acceptance and allowing
But like I said before, because activations are generally surprising and come out of nowhere, it’s a nightmare if both get activated at the same time and neither can see the wood for the trees, so it’s imperative to find ways to stay anchored in love and awareness as much as possible, so that the discharge can release fully without interruption.
I said to my Twin “What if we could find powerful high vibrational words and encode them with powerful high vibrational messages, so that in the midst of an activation one doesn’t have to get lost and confused in trying to express to the other what’s going on. What if we could find powerful ways to inform the other that an activation is imminent, or already in action, and therefore helping the other to find grounding in that realisation and so they can choose to hold space and allow, with enough warning so that their own activations don’t get fired off?”
And this is when the idea came to take known powerful high vibrational words and construct them into memorable acronyms that inform the other of what’s going down in the inner realms.
For example – if we made an acronym of the word LOVE to mean “LOOK OUT! VOCANO ERUPTING!” If in the moment of being activated one clearly says or even shouts to the other “LOVE!” The other is being lovingly informed of what’s happening – an inner eruption is happening. That enables the other to take a breath and get rooted and aware in love so that the activated feels safe enough to release and let go.
We took it further “LOVE ME NOW!” Look Out! Volcano Erupting! Mega Eruption Near Our Wounds” There’s some extra meaning in there, a clue as to the intensity of the burn coming up and through and out. A calling and plea for extra presence and awareness because this one is big!
Here are some other ones we are playing with –
LOVE ME NOW! Look Out! Volcano Erupting! Mega Eruption! Near Our Wounds
ACTIVATED – Am Coming Thoroughly Into Vexation and Total Ego Death
HELP! – Have Ever Loving Patience!
GROUND – Get Rooted. Open Understanding Needed Directly.
TRIGGER – Try Really Imagining Generously Giving Evolved Response
SUPPORT – Supply Universal Peace & Provide Open Radical Tenderness/Truth
HOLD ME! Help Our Loving Divine Matrixes Emerge
SPACE – Safely Permit A Contemplative Environment
Please comment if you have any other Activation Code Words to add to this list xx
We are learning what these codes me and stating them in activations. We are in the process of creating, learning, using and remembering these. We are yet to find out how helpful they truly are, yet even just the experience of finding them together has been healing. We are very aware that we are in the forever cycles of forgetting and remembering pain and love. Often the activations come when you least expect it, in moments of forgetting ourselves and we are needing quick effective ways to remember to hold space, be strong, drop defences, get out of our heads and into our hearts more and more and more often. We are aware that what’s needed in our hearts is more space and understanding for all of us to let go and release so that LOVE can come forth with more ease, faith and trust.
We all need to beckon and welcome each out of of pain bodies. We each need to trust that it’s safe to come out. We need to know that we will be met with love if we release.
So me and my twin flame are really doing our best to come forth, fully.
And it is a very very scary practice. And at the same time we are safe.
It’s a paradox you see xx