I get really revved up when I’ve something, that to me is super important, to focus on. Revved up towards the frizzly edges of mania. I get so charged that everything seems to take on the same level of importance. I lose the ability to prioritise. I constantly feel like a rocket, about to take off. It is unpleasant. I feel agitation.
I have been avoiding being super charged about anything for the last 7 years since I burned out big time from doing what I now refer to with a weird hand gesture as ‘Crazy Business Venture’. I had a monumental breakdown after that, and that breakdown lead to 7 years of healing, releasing and regenerating in a mostly uncomfortable and often frightening way.
It’s 7 years later now, well, in February. I live my life in 7 year cycles, the same things occur but in more evolved and matured ways. And I find myself once again learning a business model and pouring my whole self into it. But this time I am aware when I am grinding up against the edges of mania and I have to keep stepping back to breathe, release, relax.
Starting a new business inevitably involves overwhelm. I am learning so many entirely brand new skills. Things I’ve known zilch about. Nothing makes sense before it makes sense, obviously. I can literally feel my brain morphing around and changing in my head. I’ve devoured a ka-billion bits of new information and now I’m trying to access what I’ve learned so I can put it to work. From inside it seems that I have blind spots of non-understanding punctured all over my brain. It’s hard for me to navigate anywhere because every step forward feels perplexing. I start feeling stressed and frustrated and then I remember –RELAX!
I seem to forget that it is totally normal and natural to not know anything about anything before you do know about it! Like a baby learning to walk -it doesn’t know. It just observes and tries to copy and keeps falling down.
Right now I feel like that baby. I’m attempting to grasp something, a new practice, and just as I think I’m holding on I fall over flat on my face.
Babies don’t cry though do they? When they fall? They just get up and try again.
I cry with frustration and overwhelm and that’s because I think I’m supposed to know how everything works. I need to become that bouncy, rebounding, soft smiley baby.
And how do I do that? Just by remembering that I am in the learning phase. By reminding myself “hey! This is all brand new to you. Yes, you’ve taken in a whole lot of new learning but it won’t make any sense until it makes any sense. You are a kinaesthetic learner. You learn through doing. Look how many things you didn’t used to know how to do, and now you do know how. There’s no need to be frustrated at yourself. You are learning and stretching in new directions. You can move at your own pace. Take regular deep breaths. Listen to comforting music. Ask loads of questions. Take time out. And remember you might not know it now, but you will, and, because you are so extremely thorough you will be brilliant at helping other people in the future, and that’s where your passion really comes in; being able to powerfully help others” Mmmmm, Yes, thank you higher self for that!
I choose to give myself space, patience, love, gentleness, care, time and soothing whilst I navigate the brand new and thrilling waters of Digital Entreprenuership.
I’ve just had a hot epsom salt and lavender bath . . . . . Mmmmmmmmmm x