Hello! And a very warm welcome to my personal website.
Living an authentic life. Being courageous with being myself, because it DOES take courage. Claiming and sharing my truth/heart. Empowering others as I empower myself. Daring to feel it all and getting better at showing and sharing and encouraging that. Growth, transformation and loving myself regardless. Trusting that life has got my back. Healing and returning to balance as often as possible. Being awake. Letting aliveness arise in me, really letting it. Moving through and over coming mental illness. and physical illness. Expressing my creativity. Being a champion of tears! These are all essential to my health and well-being. Each day I am getting stronger x
Love Yourself To LIFE
My journey here on earth is all about SELF-LOVE. As I learn how to love myself forever more and more deeply, I learn how to love and embrace the rest of the world forever more deeply. As I nurture my relationship with myself and all of my experiences I become more wholesome, I become more accepting and allowing of everything, and eveyone. This blog encaptures many different aspects of my SELF-LOVE journey. I share in order to help, encourage, inspire, empower and educate others with what I discover.
SELF-LOVE is a radical journey. It is hard, delicious, rewarding and fulfilling. I really am falling in love with myself more each day, despite the severe dark bouts that I go through.
A Bit More About Me
I was born in 1974. I am currently living in the south west of England in the sunny English Riviera town Torquay. I feel like I am here temporarily as I regenerate myself and my life. I grew up in this town but I left for 12 years to explore other places in the world. Then life brought me back to my roots so I could deepen my healing. This healing is still in process . . .
In 2008 I became very unwell after experiencing a terrifying breakdown. This led to monumental up and down swings and episodes that got me diagnosed with bipolar 1 in 2009. It has been a terribly disruptive time of my life. It has also been what has been teaching me about the importance of impeccable self love and self care skills.
Whilst I’ve been healing, I’ve been way more focused in and exploring my creative/healer self through drawing, painting, writing, dancing, speaking, singing, poetry, energy psychology, study, meditation etc, and a multitude of healing modalities, all of it to discover, nurture and express the truth that is yearning to be expressed, brought forth and shared from me.
These creative arts are an ABSOLUTE NECESSITY for me – avenues for my self expression. venues for my soul and spirit to come into life. It is vital for me to be living my life in my own authentic way, that expresses my whole, beautiful, vulnerable, freaky, real and UN-EDITED self. If I sell myself short of this, I profoundly suffer. In a monumentally shit way. I’m sure you understand!
My first and foremost relationship, partnership and love affair is with myself. That’s why I call myself a ‘Selflovepreneur’. My health and well being is my utmost priority. And it starts with loving myself. When I can love myself fully everything else moves into place.
I do have a cat though! He appeared in the summertime, as I was in a meltdown that followed a skin cancer diagnosis) he walked straight into the house, into my room, up onto the bed, into my lap and has been here since! He’s magical. he comes for walkies down the beach like a dog. I’ve ALWAYS wanted a cool cat like that! here he is –
(Unfortunately, this magical Peter Pusskins stayed with me for just one year. He saw me through a deep emotional healing phase, which without his help I would have struggled even more, and then he vanished. I love this puss cat and I miss him so much xx But I like to imagine he is ‘somewhere’ being awesome, because he was so awesome for me. I’m leaving him here, just because . . . )
He would come with me when I went out foraging. I am seriously into my wild foods. For one they’re super packed with mega nutrients, they’re organic and wild, they’re abundant and they’re freely available from mother earth.
A few years back, as I’d be wondering through the green covered summertime lands I started asking myself “Wow! I wonder how much of this you can actually eat?” Then I started learning – “LOTS of it!” (Know your stuff though. don’t go nibbling on any old plant or tree, some of them, lots of them will make you very unwell)
Some Other Interests of Mine
All things creative and self-transformational; singing, performing, dancing, writing, poetry, painting, drawing, creating, healing, the subconscious, awareness, TRUTH, health and well-being, service, death and dying, the Universe (multiverse, Omniverse) actuality v’s reality, and I have a deep interest in the path of living as your most authentic self, embracing all of it. That fascinates me. And, I am a natural kind of gal really. In all areas. Right down to ‘being myself’.
Something else that I feel aligned with and that I discovered early in 2014 is the Human Design system. This is like Astrology with rockets on!
I have discovered an absolute blue print of my true self through human design AND a practical strategy to follow to help me be in alignment with my truth. My strategy is to ‘wait’ in life and then to respond to yes/no questions with sounds from my sacral -‘Uhuh’ for ‘yep’ and ‘Uhun’ for ‘nope’. Then to honour and follow all of those UHUH’s, a bit like Jim Carrey in Yes Man! ut I can have ‘NO’s’ to follow too
It might sound bonkers but trust me, its totally sacred and fascinating. I have NEVER found a system so accurate and profound. It’s definitely not for everyone. It’s certainly not for the feint of heart. Its a deconditioning, life shattering process. Its full on. And I LOVE it! Check out my Human Design Blogs. I am currently half way through the human design 7 year experiment. I can feel so much shifting in me, most namely the amount of energy that used to be in my mind (causing hell) which is now in my body (causing peace).
The Street Performer In me
My dearest nephew Alexander May very unexpectedly passed away in March 2016. This was a huge shock for all the family, especially my sister and my other nephew. Alex was an exceptionally talented musician and only 22 years old. After his death I started picking up momentum on an UHUH/yes response to a question I’d been asked in late 2015 “Are you going to start busking?” – “UHUH!”
That made me nervous. But after Alex died it made sense. I need to get out there and share my talents, otherwise they never get exercised, they never get shared, they never get seen, they never get heard . . . and that’s just not fair on Alex, or on my dad who died when I was 21, or on anyone else who may benefit from something that needs to be expressed through me, and, not fair on myself.
So on April 30th 2016 I took to the streets for the first time with an amp and my guitar and a book full of songs and just thought ‘Fuck it! Here we go!’.
I cannot begin to describe the multifaceted ways that street performing has been so life enhancing for me. I need to write a good thorough piece on this, as it’s so multidimensional and deep it deserves a good write up. It challenges me in so many ways. Frightens me too. Enhances me too. There’s a lot going on beyond just some chick out on the streets performing . . . the aliveness and presence and the alchemy and the . . . challenge that is going on beneath the surface is monumental! Some people do comment “Oooh, you have to have balls to do that!”. let me tell you, I might not have balls, but it does take courage. And courage can only be experienced when fear is present. Same with confidence. Don’t be fooled into thinking that I am full of confidence. More the ‘determination’ to do what I need to do so that I can feel lived.
It suits me because I can move with the timing and wisdom and rhythm of my own body, which is essential for my physical, mental, emotional and spiritual well-being x
What Motivates Me
I really need to live the life I came here to live. Balancing and loving myself through illness and dis-ease. This takes courage, truth, standing up for myself, discipline (bliss-a-plin), humour, good food, real relationships and the ability to follow the navigation of my own heart (or in my case ‘sacral’ – ‘a human design thing!’)
If I don’t live up to this I pay in unbelievably painful ways (screwed blood sugars, seizures, depression, mania, cancer, total death of enthusiasm etc etc). I cannot afford to live smothered in bull-shit and pretense anymore.
When cancer came along it was like a Cosmic kick up the arse! It was telling me ‘Get more serious about FOLLOWING your truth, or DIE’, basically.
That’s certainly how it felt.
Receiving the cancer kiss was like putting turbo engines on my healing mission. It immediately got me passionate about rewriting my thought scripts, visualising, affirming, breathing, being in the now, dancing and loving my body, feeling deep appreciation, loving myself profoundly through the fear, getting myself in alignment with my direction and purpose, and doing more of the things that make me feel good and healthy. I KNOW that mindset and ‘frequency’ is key to a fully lived and loved life.
I call it ‘kiss’ because I’m choosing my language mindfully and am doing everything in my power to accept all of myself, graciously, appreciatingly, with love, as that’s when healing happens.
Energy Medicine and Healing
At my deepest core I am blessed with an understanding of healing. ‘HEALING’ to me means ‘learning how to fully allow oneself to fully be oneself.’ Healing to me means ‘truly recognising that there is nothing wrong with oneself, or with anyone else’. I trust a healer when they come to me seeing me whole and capable, not sick and unwell and (DAMN YOU) ‘in need of fixing’. Expect me to grit my teeth and snarl at you if you ever try to fix anything about me. I am NOT broken, and neither are you. I have learned in the world of healing that the deepest need in us all is to be seen, heard and validated at where we are at in our human experience. Often times that’s all someone really truly needs to feel the kind of relief that leads to greater healing. And again – healing is NOT fixing. It is more ALLOWING and embracing ones wholeness more and more ( . . . maybe I’ll explain more in some ‘healing’ blogs)
I have been practicing powerful, effective and gentle energy healign skills for nearly 20 years; Reiki, EFT, Matrix Reimprinting and the Emotion Code. I’ll explain these more clearly on my healing page.
What Do I Support?
My favorite charities/causes are emotional well being and the whole human race. I understand that in order to have an impact on the whole that the impact starts within. I understand that every little step I make in the right direction (right being; healthy, growth, evolution, love, courage, truth, expansion etc) affects the whole. I start by loving, allowing and embracing myself, because through loving, allowing and embracing myself I come into deeper more transparent, loving connection with ALL of life.
I am passionate about empowering myself and others, subtley, and through example. I love connecting with my tribe – folk on the same wave length/frequency as me! And I’ve got bundles of creativity that’s progressively expressing and even more waiting to be let loose!
I have a pretty broad perspective on everything. I’m not politically focused, or raging about one thing in particular. I find it incredibly difficult to define myself as anything. My most regular and honest response is ‘I don’t know’. I class myself on how much love am I feeling for myself in this moment.
My job is to be myself, to show up, be real, discover, express, share, creatively. I seem to touch and inspire people from just being that.